One Dark Psychological Secret About The No Contact Rule
The reasons why we adore actors, musicians, comedians, and athletes are because they've mastered their platform. They perform feats that the average person can't perform. And it's mainly due to their mystique.
Unfortunately, due to the over-abundance of social media, this mystique has been dampened—dramatically. But there are still many big-name artists who still value their privacy and shroud themselves in the cloak of mystery. Before the advent of Instagram and Snapchat, we didn't see celebrities doing mundane things like buying Fruity Pebbles at the supermarket, getting an oil change, or in line buying tampons. And honestly, we really didn't want to. Today's entertainers shine brightly in their craft, but pale in comparison to legendary artists like John Coltrane, Prince, or Sade.
The great, yet mysterious Sade.
Sade, especially. She has a rabid, zealous, cult-like following and is just as immensely popular today as she was when she burst onto the scene in the eighties. She's an artist who has a distinct style which separated her from the cookie-cutter pop ilk that was dominating the music scene back then.
But over the course of her over forty-year career, she’s only released a mere handful of albums.
Sade is notorious for going decades without releasing music and at one point has even gone years without being in the public eye. A decade without releasing music is something unheard of and practically career suicide in today's music business. But for Sade--it works. And not only does it work, but it adds to her appeal. It makes fans savagely addicted to her.
What man was the inspiration for her sultry lyrics and haunting vocals?
Who is Sade?
Who is she in love with?
No one knew. And no one still knows. How many interviews can you find of Sade? Not many. She's insanely private and guarded about her personal life.
All of this adds to her mystique.
It’s normal for an artist to release a mixtape or a song every two months. And how many times have we see an actor have a meltdown on Twitter or Instagram Live? And if you ask me, this is why there's no more true megastars. You would never see Keith Richards or Marvin Gaye on TikTok.
There's no more mystery with artists today. And this is why today’s music scene pales in comparison to decades prior.
This mystery is exactly what you need if you’re going through a breakup.
As the old saying goes, women are attracted to a man whose feelings are unclear.
Space creates doubt. Doubt creates uncertainty. Uncertainty creates tension. These are the building blocks of attraction. And in order to create this scenario after a breakup, you need to turn your back and walk away.
Following the no contact rule is the elixir you need to heal after your split and especially if your goal is to re-attract your ex.
The no contact rule is defined as you cutting off all contact with an ex following the end of your relationship. And when I say no contact, this means no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. And yes, going no contact means no staking out in your car down the street from her house looking to see the new man she’s dating. No contact means zero contact.
There are several reasons why the no contact rule strategy is powerful. For one, it provokes scarcity. Dr. Robert Cialdini dove into the scarcity principle in great detail in his seminal work, “Influence.”
The scarcity principle limits the number of opportunities we have available to us. As those opportunities decrease, we lose the freedom to choose. Human beings are psychologically hardwired to react against losing freedom of choice.
And when you walk away from your ex by going no contact, you remove your attention from her. This eliminates her power over you. She no longer has the ability to simply choose to take you back. Now this may seem confusing, but even though your ex decided to leave you, many dumpers feel even though they no longer want you, they revel in the fact that you’re so desperate and needy, they can get you back any time they very well choose to.
By you going no contact, you eliminate her freedom to choose. This spikes a powerful emotion in the dumper—emotions that were absent from the breakup and absent from the time of the relationship leading up the split.
And that’s because another aspect of the scarcity principle is also at play. When a thing is in limited quantity, we value it more. The inverse also rings true. When a thing is in ample quantity, it’s devalued and taken for granted. So when you’re constantly texting your ex, begging her to take you back or bombarding her with how great of a person you are and she’s making a horrible choice to leave you, how do you think she feels about you?
With very little respect and devalued.
The cold, empty expression of a woman who’s checked out emotionally.
Going no contact allows you to regain respect, not just in her eyes, but in your own eyes.
And as you continue down the journey of no contact, the days of the last time you spoke to or texted your ex add up and something interesting happens.
Uncertainty and mystery is created by your absence.
You’re no longer texting her. You’re no longer going to the same gym your ex goes to. You’re no longer calling her friends asking them for help to get back with your ex. You rarely post on social media. Not a peep has been made by you. This all adds to your mystery...to your mystique. This stirs the waters of curiosity in your ex. And her attraction grows as a result.
Women, even outside of the confines of a breakup, are attracted to uncertainty and mystery in the man they have eyes for. Despite what they tell you, this mystery is the cornerstone for romance and them falling in love.
Seduction is a dance; the Bachata, if you will. It tells a story. It’s poetic. It’s rhythmic. There’s flips. There’s twists. Turns. There’s improvisation. There’s a wandering.
There are no dull moments about Bachata. You don’t really know what’s coming next.
The mysterious dance…
No contact is a seductive, mysterious dance with your ex.
And when you go no contact, you’re evoking a mystique about yourself. You become larger than life in the eyes of your ex.
Your mystique will grow over time. And as you heal from the breakup, you start that podcast you’ve been meaning to start, you begin dating new women, and you pack on a few pounds of muscle…this will all add to your mystique.
“Your greatest power in seduction is your ability to turn away, to make others come after you, delaying their satisfaction.”
And it will definitely replace the poor perception she had of you at the time of your split.
Believe it or not, your ex is wondering what you’re up to. And maybe she’ll get a glimpse of you becoming a better man as she stalks your social media. And if she reaches out to you, she’ll see how much you’ve grown, and it will only make you larger than life in her eyes. Almost god-like. Which is exactly how a woman wants to see you.
And when you come out of that cloak of mystery, you might even realize you no longer even want your ex back.
It’s time to be like Sade...and be a mystery.